I was going to post this as a comment, but thought I should instead revise my original little angsty rant. Man am I fortunate…after reading you’ll see why:
WOW…i’m really lucky to 1) have blog readers, period! and 2) blog readers who are wise and caring 🙂 Thanks so much for sharing some words for me…every word was comforting and encouraging:
pomo: what a great reminder! the worlds ‘standards’ of success are SOOOO paltry and stupid compared to Jesus. I guess the trick is continuing to fix my eyes on Him, huh 🙂
sonja: you’re right on both counts: jemila DOES rock and your own-worded-wisdom was great. I REALLY resonated with this line: ““Do not cringe and make yourself small if you are called the black sheep, the maverick, the lone wolf.” Yeah I do cringe sometimes, but I guess the trick is finding my ID in Jesus, huh?
jemila: your fruity words were good because it really forced me to examine some of that fruit…sometimes as Christians we can get so caught up in performing and miss the very real fruit Jesus is bearing within and through us each day. You and Him helped me to see that, so thanks!
john: well, when you put it that way, I have nothing to complain about do I! I am very ‘lucky’ even BY the worlds standards, but really only purely because of what God has done for me and the people (ESPECIALLY like you) who are in my life…
mike: you are that older, “librarian” friend for me. Thanks for the reminder to stay patient, for the long run, and for your continued encouragement in my studies. I am very, very fortunate to have a professor/friend like you…
Continue below for my original mild bout of apoplexy:
Do you ever experience moments when the future comes rushing to your face and all the creases on your body start sweating because the present and future seem to add to zero?
That just happened to me…
I was laying in bed and started freaking out about the fact that I am 28 and fear I have nothing to show for my life by the worlds standards…And then was thinking about how when I finish my Masters degree I’ll be 30 and still have nothing to show!
Lets do the math:
No Wife
+
No House
+
No Car
+
No Job
+
No Budding 401(k)
+
No Kids
=
ZILCH!
Lord, what am I doing? Am I making the biggest mistake of my life?
I’ll be fine…I think…grrr.
-jeremy
Don’t confuse meaning and purpose and life with what Western culture says is important and significant…
Thats just silly!
And I happen to think the typical Western idea of success is actually counter-productive to what Jesus calls us to. Don’t forget it is better to remain single (though I know evangelicals love to overlook that one…)
🙂
I don’t know if this falls in the make you feel better or worse category … but this happens to me all the time. And, uh, I’m 47.
I do have a husband, house and children … but these days (as a woman) I am also supposed to have “done” something. Or “be” something. And I’m not. I just am and I have literally nothing to show for myself other than one bachelors degree (in liberal arts) and one unfinished masters degree. My house is messy, the laundry undone, my husband is the cook/chef, and I hate all of those things anyway. I don’t fit anywhere.
Then I read this on another blog this morning and even though it’s prob’ly directed at women, I think it’s about people everywhere who don’t fit the mold. So take heart. Somehow, somewhere, sometime you’ll do something special and wonderful. It might be so small that you don’t even notice it, but it will be a big thing to someone else and they will pass it along. But you’ll be able to do it and available for it because you’re outside the mainstream:
“Do not cringe and make yourself small if you are called the black sheep, the maverick, the lone wolf. Those with slow seeing say a nonconformist is a blight on society. But it has been proven over the centuries, that being different means standing at the edge, means one is practically guaranteed to make an original contribution, a useful and stunning contribution to her culture.” Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Women Who Run With the Wolves
Follow the call of God. Be sure to dance with Him. That’s the most important thing. The rest is just window dressing.
Have you ever smiled at someone who looked lonely?
Have you ever taken a stand for justice and mercy where others sat down?
Have you ever encouraged some who was having a tough day?
Have you ever given yourself for another?
Have you ever loved full, even for a second?
Have you ever breathed and been thankful to God and worshiped?
If you answered yes, you have all you need to “show for it” — peaches, plums strawberries — all fruits. Just because you don’t have blackberries to show for it doesn’t mean there’s a darn thing wrong with the fruit you’re bearing in your life.
🙂
Jemila said in poetry what I was trying to say in a textbook. She rocks!!
Let’s RE-DO the math:
Great family
+
Really Good Friends
+
Global Experiences (beyond your peers)
+
Amazing D.C. years (terrific and tough)
+
Strong body (healthy)
+
Excellent intellectual abilities
+
Passion for Jesus
+
Unusally gifted house church 🙂
=
Everything you need.
I was just about where you are–not married until 28 and not finished with my full-time education until 33, at which time I received my first job in my profession. It was hard to stay in school when my college friends had taken short-cuts and were already serving in churches. I confided in an older, librarian friend, who told me to stay patient, for in the long run I would end up further ahead if I took the long road. She was right.