There is a great dialogue happening at Scot McKnight’s blog, Jesus Creed. His post “Thinking of Seminary?” was written in response to several emails he receives from readers and former students on whether they should attend seminary. He wrote that there are two things everyone should think about before going to seminary: 1) ministry is hard and 2) before you go to seminary and while you are in seminary be in some kind of ministry.

Both are great advice and I jumped in with a few comments of my own, but I thought I would post in this space why I chose to go to seminary. I think my reasons are fairly typical, but I also have some very personal reasons, too.

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As someone who spent the last 10 months contemplating next steps in my life after 3 years in full-time paid ministry and considering whether to take the plunge and do the seminary thing, much of what people wrote in comment to Scot’s post resonates with me. Some questioned old authoritative, hierarchal structures which raise pastors up as CEO’s and Oprah figures, others rooted for the priesthood of all believers, while a few even questioned the financial investment in such a pursuit. I agree with much of these thoughts. I think a lot of us in the new “emergence” are wrestling with 1) what does church leadership look like, 2) how do we (the church) determine that leadership (ie, sense people’s actual calling to shepherding, spiritual gifting, abilities, etc…), and 3) how do we train those people to love and serve God, His people, the world AND his or herself (yes, HER!) well?

I know for me I had a hard time with the whole seminary and pastor thing. I got burned in ministry big time and also burned out, and the thought of being the P-word scared the shit out of me, much less moving back into the bubble to be with and around Christians non-stop after forging relationships with non-Christians and anti-Christians. And what is more, I do share other’s skepticism of seminary and whether they really train people well to minister and shepherd and actually “do the word of the ministry”, instead of simply running Church Inc. or “speaching” (speaking-preaching as Doug Pagitt says) to the masses at a well-oiled weekly social club meeting.

So it was tough decision; I wrestled much over the decision to jump head-long into Christendom for 3+ years. I settled on Grand Rapids Theological Seminary, which is under the direction of a wonderful leader, Doug Fagerstrom, with whom I had the good fortune of having coffee last week.

Then, why am I going to seminary if I am scared of the P-word and skeptical of the S-word?

What I realized after as I began making the decision to go to seminary is that 1) it is absolutely where God is drawing me 2) my whole life (or at least the last 5-9 years of it) had been preparation for this new moment in my story, and 3) this is about stewardship as much as it is about calling and my life course. Reasons one and two I will deal with later, but reason three is something I do not hear much discussion of in the church. From my perspective people should go to seminary, because they are called to be a pastor or whatever, yes I get that. But a man or woman should also go because it is who they are, and NOT going would be a disservice to God, the church, the world, and him or herself.

God has given everyone a glory, a “something” that must be unleashed in love for the good of the world, the church, and God’s Kingdom Movement. For me, it is the abilities of communication, leadership, listening, and relationship building, and the spiritual gifts of teaching and shepherding that I must steward, as I am responsible for what I am given. I am a shepherd and teacher, and God (for whatever reason) has been preping me to shepherd a local expression of the Body of Christ for years. And not only do I need to follow Him into that identiry, I also need to be trained and steward these gifts and my moment in time.

So going to seminary is a calling thing and it is a stewardship thing, of gifts/abilities and the moment. And I am just trying to be faithful to both of these as much as possible. Does the thought of going seminary freak me out? Umm, yeah. Does the thought of being a pastor freak me out even more? Hell, yeah! But I think that’s a good place to be as I try to lean into this calling and respond out of stewardship.